Hello out there…whoever you are, wherever you are…I don’t know how you stumbled on this page but I’d like to say a BIG WELCOME! i also hope you’ll find some sort of encouragement in the midst of my ramblings loll
When driving towards a destination its important to have a map and know where you are. Today I spent a little time thinking of where I’ve come from and where i want to be but I spent some more time assessing where I am today in my journey…. well here’s what I’ve found out as of today, I am a bit sad and hurt and I wish the attack never happened.
Now if you’re like me, you’re probably shuffling between Pain, Anger and Acceptance….sometimes I feel sad or numb other times I get really angry when I see my attacker even more intense when I see people who know about the attack still interacting with him and then other times I am at a place where I realize I have not thought about the attack in months…..
Knowledge is power….so please read the stages of the healing process and know where you are but I want to stress that its important you are patient with yourself – It can take a long time to recover. It may happen in small steps, incrementally, or there may be setbacks. Be mindful of your progress and your setbacks
Stages of the Healing Process
Shock-This stage can last anywhere from hours to weeks or months. Typical reactions might include saying “I can’t feel anything” or “I can’t think clearly.” Disorientation and high levels of anxiety are common.
Denial-The two biggest things under this category are: that the event even happened and that even if it did, it didn’t “bother” the victim. The stages of shock and denial can take severe mental and emotional tolls on victims. The psychological destruction, types of traumatic reactions and the long-term effects and syndromes impacting victims are many. The severity or length of the incident or incidents doesn’t seem to have any impact on how deeply a victim is harmed – the victim of a date rape with minor physical injuries doesn’t suffer less than a victim who is raped repeatedly and receives more severe physical injuries.
Blaming–Most blaming is typically directed at the self. Victims may focus on thoughts such as: “If only I didn’t…”, or “I should have…”, or “I shouldn’t have…”. Making matters worse, this self blame is easily exacerabated by supporters like friends, family or investigators with comments such as “what were you thinking – wearing that short skirt to that seedy place” or other such comments which only serve to place the blame for the attack on the victim, instead of on the attacker who chose to take actions against the victim.
Pain-Pain usually covers two issues: avoiding and feeling. Attempts to avoid feeling physical and emotional pains resulting from an attack might include depression, acting out or self-medicating with alcohol or other “numbing” medications or drugs. When the pain gets through, sadness, fearfulness and confusion come to the forefront.
Anger-At some point, for most people, pain demands a reaction. For victims of sexual assault, this reaction is usually anger. The anger might be directed at the self – seen when the victim is intensely focused on their own behaviors (self injury and substance abuse are common), or might be focused on others – either the attacker in particular, or directed at anyone/anything that can become the focus of the feelings, even innocent bystanders like spouses, family members or friends.
Integration/Acceptance-The time, effort, and method of reaching this stage differ with each individual. There’s no “schedule” for when a person “should be over it.” The unfortunate fact is that many victims don’t reach this stage – and certainly those who don’t seek assistance have even smaller chances for leading healthy, fruitful lives after sexual assault. For those who get here, this stage includes the ability to put the event behind them (which is NOT the same as forgetting it!) and start identifying and doing new behaviors. This might be going back to school or work, going out with friends again, doing volunteer work, getting involved in outreach activities, or getting to a place where they are ready to resume, renew, or initiate an intimate relationship.
Regardless of what stage you are in, I want to remind you that you are a SURVIVOR! It might not feel like it but you are going to get through this just know and believe that!!!
Please if you are in need of help, please call the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800.656.HOPE (4673)
Love,
Ms T
AbusedNOTBroken 